5 Important Ingredients for Stronger Communication in Marriage
Communication is key to a successful marriage. This likely isn’t a surprise, but it bears repeating. You and your spouse may share a life together, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re communicating effectively. Issues with communication often translate into other problems, such as a loss of intimacy. Many couples have stronger communication in the early days of their relationships—during dating and the honeymoon period. But ongoing, strong communication requires consistent effort from both spouses through all seasons of life.
Being able to talk to and understand one another is a primary component of intimacy. If you put communication on the back burner, you will find yourselves growing apart and experiencing more frequent miscommunication, misunderstandings, and possibly a rise in conflict. If communication becomes complicated, painful, or ceases altogether, your intimacy and happiness will suffer. In today’s post, I’m going to share five ingredients for stronger communication that you can incorporate into your marriage starting right now.
A Strong Grasp of Empathy
I talk about empathy often, but the need for spouses to empathize with each other can’t be overstated. Empathy is one of the most important aspects of a loving and supportive marriage. To communicate effectively, you and your spouse will need to empathize with one another. Putting yourselves in each other’s shoes is especially important when overcoming hurdles in clarity and understanding.
You don’t only need to walk in your spouse’s shoes when there’s conflict. Even seemingly mundane daily interactions can benefit from seeing their point of view. When you consider your spouse’s needs and preferences as a general rule in your communication, it will help you work together to build a more harmonious, communicative marriage.
Excellent Listening Skills
Both of you will need excellent listening skills to improve your communication. One of the most difficult things to do is not only to hear your spouse out—especially when they need to say something that’s hard to hear—but also to listen without feeling the urge to react or respond right away. We advise couples to work out strategies that allow one another to speak.
Engage in active listening, during which you listen to your spouse’s concerns and then reflect back what you’ve understood. This gives them the opportunity to clarify what they meant if you’re not fully understanding them. It also helps them feel heard and understood, as though they have your full attention.
Keep Emotions in Check
Emotions are strong, and sometimes they can be very difficult to manage. This is especially true if you’re in the midst of conflict. Letting your emotions run high can muddy the waters of good communication, leading to more complicated conflict. That means resolving issues might take longer than they otherwise would, especially if you’re layering on insult and injury.
We recommend keeping your emotional responses and tone in check as much as possible. It’s important that we work together to keep our communication peaceful, even when we’re angry with one another. Allowing our emotions to run unchecked puts us at risk of causing more harm in the long run.
Take Breaks
You don’t have to solve every conflict or miscommunication in one fell swoop. Sometimes, good communication and effective conflict resolution require pausing. Pausing during conflict to ensure better communication can help you regulate your emotional responses and keep the situation from escalating.
Put your heads together when you’re in a peaceful state and talk about how you would like to handle taking a pause to regroup during conflict. Stepping away from a complicated issue, heated discussion, fight, or even a long-term issue you’re working on together can make all the difference. Pausing can give you both the clarity you need when you come back together.
Make Time to Communicate
If you don’t make time for good communication, it cannot happen in your marriage. Speaking, listening to, and understanding one another require adequate time. If the two of you have been swept away by your schedule and all the obligations of life, you need to come together and find ways to reclaim your time.
You can’t implement these tips without the time to do so. It’s very common for married couples to lead hectic, busy lives. But I challenge you to figure out how to make the time to do the work and get back to a healthy place.